The Bare Minimum: "Praise for men makes the increased burden on women invisible"

Cooking for the family, looking after the children, checking in regularly, treating each other with respect , rejecting violence and sexist behavior – all of this should really go without saying. And yet, it happens surprisingly often that precisely this behavior is particularly celebrated in men. For example, when a father becomes a class representative or takes more than two months of parental leave. If a man spontaneously mops the floor or cleans the windows at home, a woman will at least hear an appreciative murmur from her friends: "Wow, he just does that?" And if a date holds the door open or doesn't wait three days (or even a single day!) to get in touch after a date, many a heart melts.

That's precisely what "Bare Minimum" is about: a debate on unequal standards. Why is behavior that should be taken for granted—whether at work, in everyday life, or in relationships—often celebrated as exceptional when it comes to men? And does it truly deserve recognition and praise? We asked Dr. Sophie Ruby, sociologist and co-head of the "Knowledge, Consulting, and Innovation" department at the Federal Foundation for Gender Equality :

BRIGITTE: Why is there so much discussion right now about whether men should be praised for "The Bare Minimum"?

Dr. Sophie Ruby: Studies show that women still perform the majority of housework and care work. Even couples who consciously want to organize themselves in an egalitarian way – for example, in the 50/50 model – more often live in traditional models than they would like.

What is the reason for this?

This has a lot to do with history and culture. In West Germany, the "housewife marriage" was long the ideal – in East Germany, on the other hand, it was taken for granted that women were employed and men were more involved in family life. These norms still have an impact today. Another important factor is the structural framework for couples and families – this still doesn't sufficiently support egalitarian models and instead provides incentives for unequal distributions of care work and paid employment.

Why is it still perceived as something special when men help with housework or children?

Because traditional gender roles are deeply ingrained. Women are automatically assigned the primary responsibility for care work because they supposedly possess the necessary skills innately. Care work is seen as effortless for them and therefore "not worth mentioning." When men provide care, however, they are considered "helpers" in the household or "babysitters" for care work.

What does this "praise of care" say about our society?

It shows that men taking on housework and care work is apparently still not a given. The praise highlights that the same tasks are valued differently – and thus reinforces precisely these unequal standards.

Can praise also have a positive effect – i.e., contribute to men taking on more responsibility?

Often, this is precisely the underlying hope. Praise alone, however, changes little because it only addresses the individual level. The causes lie deeper – in societal structures, work organizations, and cultural norms. Our "viewing habits" also play a role: How are people with caregiving responsibilities portrayed in the media?

What role do upbringing and socialization play in this?

A key factor. Even in childhood, girls and boys learn different roles: boys are expected to be objective and rational, while girls are supposed to be nurturing, which is why care work for women is then supposedly "perfectly natural," a casual result and expression of their love. This obscures the fact that housework and care work are indeed work, requiring knowledge and skills, and are often associated with hardship.

How does unequal appreciation affect partnerships?

When women achieve a lot but receive little recognition, while men are praised for small contributions, this can create tension. Praise for men reinforces old norms – and makes the additional burden on women invisible.

What are the social consequences of this?

The unequal distribution of care work has far-reaching consequences: on income, pensions, health, and political participation. Women more often work part-time and earn less – this affects their entire lives.

Furthermore, society lacks the time and structures that truly enable care work. Many employers, for example, do not support fathers when they want parental leave or part-time work.

Wouldn't recognition in the form of praise help to change these structures?

Recognition is important – but for all people, not just men. We should rather ask ourselves what we, as a society, take for granted.

What do you mean by that?

Seventy years ago, at least in West Germany, it was taken for granted that men did very little housework. Today, that's different – ​​but the actual division of labor remains unequal. Families are overburdened, and this burden falls primarily on women.

What would be a better alternative to praise?

Instead of praising men for "doing the bare minimum," we should define as a society that care work is a shared responsibility. Equality arises when we fairly distribute responsibility, time, and recognition—not when we reinforce outdated roles with compliments.

Rapper Finch was recently praised for having a man removed from a concert after he allegedly groped women. What's your take on that?

While this does not fall into the category of "The Bare Minimum" in the sense of everyday care work, such public actions can have a positive impact by showing a stance and making equality issues visible.

Why was there still a debate about whether this was "praiseworthy"?

Because men often receive disproportionate recognition for feminist or equality-promoting actions – while it is taken for granted when it happens to women. Furthermore, in this case, it was also criticized that the artist himself reproduced patriarchal structures with his accompanying comments.

So, what is their conclusion?

Recognition of care work and activities promoting greater equality are important – for everyone. Men are often praised less than women. This shows that equality has not yet been achieved. Negotiating societal norms for what we take for granted is crucial. To create real change, we need structural reforms and fair appreciation, not just individual praise.

Brigitte